Perfume, Porn For The Forgotten Sense

Black teddy with nude pantyhose

I have no idea why it’s taken so long to discover but perfume has suddenly become a weapon of choice when I transform to my womanly self. Maybe it is because I always believed that if it can’t be seen then it can’t be sexy. WRONG!

So there I was one day browsing the usual close-out sales in February and came across one of those Christmas gift packages for sale. You know, the kind that comes with perfume, maybe some moisturizer and then some kind of special box or case to stuff them in. Well, my choice of the moment happened to be some Desire Me by Escada with body moisturizer and a cute little satin “vanity” case… at half off.

What the hell, right? I finally bought my first perfume ever, sight unsmelled.

Honestly, I did it more out of a necessity than a curiosity. I mean I have a ton a sexy lingerie, pantyhose, a couple skirts and dresses, makeup, wigs, etc. Yet I have never even given a single thought to masking up my manly scent with something other than deodorant. Really, what gives there?

Side note, I do use Secret deodorant which is strong enough for a man, woman or the everyday crossdresser alike.

So the day comes when it arrives in the mail. I open the box containing the black satin vanity case and admire it. OK, it’s cute, kind of like a purse without the strap. Next, I open it and pull out the moisturizer first then dab a little on my hands and apply some to my chest. I quite like it actually even though it is just everyday lotion with a great smell attached. I think I’ll save this, though, for those times with the sweaty balls just after some exercise where it will come in handy the most.

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Why Do I Always Write When I’m Horny?

Nude in Oroblu Pantyhose and Clogs

There’s one thing I’ve come to realize is becoming a common theme as I write here. It was somewhat explained in my last post to the women readers (maybe all two of you). Yet, I’ve noticed a trend going way back to even the early days of filling up this website with page after page of endless dribble.

I’m almost always horny when I write and, if not, I try to get there somehow.

It’s funny how it has even grown through phases of turning the light on, if you will, before typing away on the keyboard. At first, it was just slipping into a pair of any old pantyhose and waiting for that erection to begin to kick in (see image above). Nowadays, it’s more complex. I slip into one of my few favorite pantyhose, a chosen piece of lingerie or even a camisole and mini and a select pair of heels. Then I finish it off with a wig and some makeup.

A little more time consuming now, yes, but I’m actually more into my female persona and, while I could just peek into a crossdresser chat room and get some filthy talk and camera exchanges going, I prefer to express my current “on” state in words that may get archived somewhere in digital land so the future crossdresser can look back and go “Huh?”

What’s different now, however, is that the more I do to become my woman self, not to mention the extra hour involved, the more I take pleasure in actually being that woman. Do I still get my seemingly required erection? Definitely, but I also get a deep body buzz of excitement from just looking in the mirror and knowing I’ve transformed to a woman. It is a sexual thrill still yet, equally, it is a sensual power trip that is completely intoxicating.

In fact, it is so overpowering, I nearly orgasm without having to polish up the bishop. Yes, really. I never imagined it would come to this but there’s just no going back to those days of getting my jollies from just a rag pair of pantyhose. No way.

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To The Actual Woman, If You Stumbled Across This

Pantyhose and Polka Dot Heels

I typically like to write when I get in the mood. That meaning it’s usually morning time and I just crawled out of bed, still in my slightly wrinkled satiny camisole and pantyhose, and put on a silky robe and then some coffee on the burner. The jolt of coffee then kicks in what I would call my crossdressing buzz. In other words, I feel a little horny so I might as well write.

That said, my perspective then becomes not one of deep insight and philosophical analysis of why we are who we are but rather a reflection what I personally feel at the moment, crossdressed. So there you have it, a man draped in satin, lace and nylon writing in sexual overtones which, when you realy think about it, boils down to a man writing about sex. It may be geared for the average crossdresser or male pantyhose enthusiast but women may find it as just guy chat down at the bar, albeit, a bit kinkier. “Um, no thanks,” I can hear as you click away to Zappos. I understand.

Not that I’m looking to pander to women or, all of a sudden, cater to the audience of women or even a date for that matter. That’s not the point. Then again, I don’t want women to leave here thinking us crossdressers (really, this one in particular) are a bunch of pervy weirdos either. OK, so we might be (this one in particular), however, there is a side of me, and maybe others, that has a lot more in common with our mimicked counterparts than what is likely perceived.

I’ll try to explain it further. Call it a sort of enlightenment from a man happily in pantyhose and drinking coffee (and a bit turned on). Please note one thing and that is that crossdressers are very fluid in their beliefs, interests, sexual preference or even choice of garments. So I don’t speak for all, per say, just your truly.

The Feminine Side

I firmly believe that all males have a feminine side to them. Some acknowledge it naturally without knowing, while others may not even try at all. I particularly know it is a major part of who I am and act it out, if you will, accordingly. In my case, that female side of me is primarily sexual, so I want to feel like a woman, be desired like a woman and express my femininity as a woman which, in turn, fills a need to validate the female side of myself.

Now, I neither claim to be a woman or even being similar to one, nor do I wish to become a woman now or in the future (but who knows what the future brings). I prefer instead to enjoy the sensations of femininity whether it be by slipping into sexy lingerie or simply just shaving my legs. I have that need to step into a role as a sexually attractive woman, then validate it by being desired by other men, women or other crossdressers.

The cherry on top for me, and ultimate validation, is to be ravaged and cummed on as a woman. Yes, I know the gender parts don’t equate by I do have a “hole” too.

The Taboo

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Who Would’ve Thought, The Right Heels Do Make the Woman

Guess Geary Sandals

It’s no secret that succession of crossdressing phases goes something like this: slip into your mom’s pantyhose as a wee-tot, then try on a bra and heels and maybe her makeup a few years later. Then at point when you can pay for all this shit yourself, you buy them all for your very own. So shoes and in particular, high heels, would typically be a part of that equation. I’d say for most crossdressers in my opinion.

Well, somehow after all these years from the wee-tot stage, I still seem to have an aversion to high heels. I think they look sexy and I want to love wearing them since they are clearly the perfect accessory for gorgeous pantyhose over freshly shaven legs. I even splurged on some gorgeous leather clogs thinking that would spur my lust of the heels world. Sadly, those very lovely clogs have gotten few uses to grace my pantyhosed feet ever since.

“What gives?” I’ve been thinking to myself. I can’t go out with just pantyhose and regular shoes. My high heels just aren’t “doing it” either for me if you know what I mean. Then I finally realize the issue while browsing for heels one day: I never chose the right heels… duh.

Here’s a quick rundown of my collection of high heeled shoes…

  • Six inch clear plastic heels and, yes the stripper kind. Cheap, uncomfortable and painfully obvious what they are for. Seemed like a logical purchase at the time.
  • Six inch over-the-knee glittery boots. No, they are not made from leather or even faux leather but fish-scale shiny fabric. Bought with the heels above. Ditto on the logic.
  • Wedge sandals. Found in a steal of a deal on eBay. Had to glue a strap back in place not too long ago. They still haven’t made me feel quite like a supermodel.
  • Leather clogs. Definitely the most upscale high heels I’ve ever had but they are just not quite me and are, therefore, rarely used. I must not like heels then?

Yeah, I can see other crossdressers shaking their heads at me. Enough said.

First, let me start out by saying that one telltale sign of a true woman is her ability to look through and pick out a pair for herself. I found this to be quite a journey through hell at first. There aren’t just a few high heels to chose from but THOUSANDS. I’m talking just high heeled sandals, too, not boots, flats, casual and whatever else to which there are millions more to browse through. OK, so this is what it is like for a woman when shopping for shoes… I almost call it a day. Almost.

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Lingerie in Just My Size From Poland

Edith Body teddy over Filodoro pantyhose

I’ve been devoting quite some space here to pantyhose lately, almost seeming to forget their other silky (and just as sexy) counterparts… lingerie. The real reason for it’s omission is I haven’t really found anything in a while that I like and I rely on slipping into an older piece usually bought from a lucky whim. It’s primarily due to my issues with the typical lingerie found these days, not just from the point of view from a crossdresser, but I’ll go out on a limb and say for women too (OK, maybe some):

  • It is cheaply made from only nylon and/or fishnet and in the same black, red and white colors. Not to mention pricey for the tacky styles and low quality.
  • Or you find something you can just picture draped elegantly over you. Then the price tag let’s that dream die hard.

So, it usually means an undies purchase for the femme me is in the form of pantyhose, pantyhose and more pantyhose. Well, that is until I randomly came across a sexy teddy that caught my eye, overpriced of course. However, after a little digging in Google, I reached the ultimate candy store for crossdressers, SeksownaForYou.pl, from Poland.

This site appears to be the umbrella shop of Polish brands of lingerie, Avanua, Casmir and Passion which, to tell the truth, I had never heard of until I found the website. Yet, the selection of silky threads was amazing and now I’m extremely elated after tearing into that unmarked package that I received this past week.

First of all, while browsing the website, I was quite content to find lingerie styles that looked like fashion made actually made for this season. In other words, none of that run-of-the-mill fishnet bullshit you would see at your local sex shop. No, I could see there was the possibility of some quality in that stretch satin visible in many of their pieces. At least enough so where I absolutely had to try them out.

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Top Ten Reasons Why You’ll Never Stop Crossdressing

Teddy and Pantyhose

It’s probably a given that if you are reading this right now, you might have tried at some point to stop crossdressing, only to come back as if falling off the wagon of masculinity… again. No worries, your inner woman always welcomes you back and asks you, “Who the hell are you kidding?” If you need more reinforcement, here are ten reasons to listen to her.

10. It’s either those pristine, always hand-washed pair of silky thong panties or those old tighty-whities with the skid mark still showing.

9. You never have to leave the house to hook up with a woman.

8. You don’t have a fucking clue what else to do with your heels collection.

7. Bruce Jenner has been your hero from the beginning.

6. The hormones have already kicked in.

5. You’re still the starting catcher on your team.

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Pantyhose, The Root of All Evil

Pantyhose and painted toes

I can say without a doubt that my crossdressing has taken leaps and bounds since my first days experimenting in my sister’s tights as a sort of pre-pubescent indulgence in erotica or, as we all may know, the pantyhose fetish in it’s infancy.

Shaved legs, hell yeah. Whole body? Yep, that too.

Makeup… just now learning how to do up properly.

Wardrobe? Check, including the mandatory minis and fuck-me dress.

Heel collection: I realize how addicting that can get… and how much I drool over Louboutins.

Full public view, well, maybe that’s in the near future.

Despite my love of trying to bring out the inner woman in me, not to mention the sexual thrill it gives, I always seem to end up obsessing over my first real (non-human) true love: pantyhose. They are always my first item of attention when dressing and, even if being the only thing I have on, makes me feel more feminine than even the perfect makeup session (or those Louboutins). Well, OK, if I had those Louboutins over my pantyhosed feet, I think I would shoot my load on the ceiling.

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Some OMG Pantyhose About to Wrap Our Legs in Heaven

Cecilia de Rafael Libero seamless pantyhose

Image: Shapings.com

Stop paying attention for a second and, all of a sudden, you miss what gorgeous new products that will happily feed our never-ending pantyhose fetish. I’m usually always on the lookout for something new and sexy to drape my legs in. However, the glossy look has given way to matte opaque tights and leggings which women go crazy over these days. Not exactly great news if you’re the high-shine loving fetishist like I am.

Yet there are some new developments that have just caught my eye that I just can’t wait to get my legs in…

Cecilia de Rafael Libero Seamless Pantyhose

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw these. Finally, the reincarnation of the Wolford Fatal Neon tights, albeit a very sheer 15 denier as opposed to the 40 denier of the Fatal Neon. Of course there was a previous attempt at a revival with the Krystelle 30 seamless which didn’t quite live up to expectations. The CdR, however, looks promising and just look at that shine!

Not too long ago, I may have balked at the sheerness but, now that I shave my legs regularly, the Libero will be a welcome addition to the collection. Likewise, if you’re still sporting the gorilla legs, the Libero should unquestionably be given a pass. That or keep the legs out of public view (please).

Note that these are so new that they haven’t been manufactured yet. They are due out sometime in December so have your legs nicely shaved and ready (please).

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Covertly Expressing the Feminine Side

Fuscia Dim slippers and black pantyhose

I said it before but I’ll say it once again. Yep, I’m still in the closet, safely locked away and with the key still hanging on a nail in the garage. So that part hasn’t changed from a while back. That doesn’t mean, however, that I wouldn’t find it exciting if I happened to be caught in my bra and pantyhose putting mascara on my lashes. It would just make me a bit uneasy to handle the consequences of such an occurrence, despite being in a sexy exhibitionist sort of way.

After all, I am famous and have paparazzi camped out outside of my headquarters. OK, maybe not but replace the pappo with my friends and family would be just the same anyway.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t display my femininity at all. I absolutely love doing so but in more covert terms. Actually, I like to make it more of a game of Can You Tell I’m a Crossdresser? If you correctly guess, I might give that fact away (if you’re, say, a cute crossdresser) or I may not (if you’re my sister). Maybe I’ll just keep you guessing like a sophisticated woman would which could’t be more feminine. Am I right?

But I’ll let you in on my little clues…

Shaved Legs

This has been a more recent thing for me but has now become an actual necessity. Silky smooth legs are oh so sexy and no more having bear witness to that gorilla hair visibly smushed up against my pantyhose. Ewww!

Luck has it that there’s nothing to really even hide by doing this since it has become (somewhat) mainstream being a practice by male athletes and especially bikers. I actually tell everyone that my runner’s legs are more aerodynamic and far cooler without leg hair. Then I jokingly tell them they are sexier too. Oh, if they only knew…

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Some Lazy Afternoon Self-Analyzing Fun

Capezio tights and strappy heels

I just got a new bustier yesterday which I happily slipped into and am prancing in at the moment on this dark, cold rainy day (no, not the picture above but I’ll have one soon!). It has quite a a lot  of padding giving me the illusion of having real boobs which I quite like. I would have liked to throw on a sweatshirt or something and take a stroll around on a sunny to see if anyone takes notice of my new “anatomy.”

But we have that rain thing… cancelled until further notice.

So I decide to spend my indoor-only day taking some transgender tests I found rather curiously online. Don’t ask why but I just decided it wasn’t worthwhile to do the usual fun chores of cleaning and laundry. You may call it doing a little soul searching or maybe you could say I just want someone (or in this case something) to tell me “hey, you’re quite the ladyboy there.”

After all, I do like a little feminine reassurance on occasion 😉

Keep in mind that, personally, I just take the following tests for what they are: Sunday comics. In other words, the results may tell you what you already know of your level of “trans” or maybe even offer insight if you don’t. These tests, however, don’t take into account the multi-faceted world of sexuality in 2015 and are not a definitive guide of where you sit on the totem pole of transvestism or transsexualism. So take them with a grain of salt my dear ladies.

COGIATI

I had previously written about the Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory and was curious about the result taking it a third time. I went from 108 to -75 to -133 which has me moving from Androgyne to the more masculine Feminine Male category. I was utterly offended since it has just been two weekends in a row where I shaved my legs, a first for me. Take that COGIATI, you bitch.

Have a go at the COGIATI

Gender Traits Test (A.K.A. The Bem Test)

I wouldn’t say it is quite as interesting as the COGIATI but it is a quick survey of varied characteristics and how you see yourself with each characteristic on a scale of 1 (never) to 7 (always). Definitely not high on the validity scale and kind of like being “diagnosed” by that cook at the IHOP.

Take the Bem Test (WARNING: you need some paper and a pen to add up scores)

Open Sex Role Inventory

Basically the above test or, as they put it:

This is an interactive version of the Open Sex Role Inventory, a measure of masculinity and femininity modelled on the Bem Sex Role Inventory.

You [sic] use of this assessment should be for educational or entertainment purposes only.

You see, interactive and for entertainment purposes. How can you go wrong?

Take the Open Sex Role Inventory

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid Quiz

This test is based on a study by Fritz Klein to test his theory that sexual orientation is a dynamic, multi-variable process. Klein believed that an individual’s sexual orientation was composed of sexual and non-sexual variables which differed over time. Personally, I find the theory quite fascinating (maybe fodder for a future blog post/discussion) and test results what I could have already guessed.

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid Quiz

Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality Quiz

Considered an extension of the Klein quiz to measure sexual identity, I had a couple issues with it but, hell, took it anyway due to my topic interest. First, it’s not true/false but mark all answers that are true for yourself. This is very unlikely to reveal anything meaningful. Second, all the questions are long and fairly similar which will lead to a burnout midway through it.

That said, maybe you want one last “opinion.” Try out the quiz.

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