I Really Do Suck at Being a Woman

Well, it finally happened. Probably the greatest peril of being a crossdresser other than getting beat up by other men with other secret fetishes. Not to mention, it took a little hit on my femmy ego. I actually injured myself…

First of all, I just have to say I love tall heels. If they are not at least four inches tall, they do not even get to touch my lovely pantyhosed feet. Oh, and that one inch platform in the front, yes, I’ll have that too! I love how they make my legs look super long, or at least fool me into thinking so. Then there are those tall stiletto heels that look like they balance on needles… my favorite.

Well, I happened to be wearing said stiletto heels not too long ago to go along with my favorite black Wolford Neon 40 tights and a sexy bodysuit. As usual, I like to prance around on the carpet, check out how my ass swings and, if nothing else, get a little practice in walking around in my most treasured footwear. Then I got a new lesson on what really needs to be practiced for the wannabe woman in stilettos taller than her ego…

Standing.

You heard me right. Hell, it is the first thing you learn once you slip into heels for the first time. It is quite a daunting feeling and experience at first but you eventually get use to it. Same with walking around. Heel, toe, heel toe. Admittedly it can be a bit scary at first but it easy to maneuver around with maybe 15 minutes of practice. Even with those tall  four-inchers!

Yet after probably close to a decade of regularly slipping into my hose and heels and in my prance mode, I did what no one should never ever do in heels. And what no one ever told me or any woman that I know of never to do.

“Tipping” over.

OMG! It was like I was standing backwards on the edge of a roof and I took a step back. My immediate reaction was to flail my extremities, kind of like doing a jumping jack midair, then land on the ground somehow after finishing said jumping jack. It didn’t end pretty either. One stiletto heel caught the carpet at a weird angle and sent my ankle bending to the aforementioned weird angle as well. My knee caught a piece of the Twister action and won that round too. Ouch!

So there I was, the pretzel in pantyhose and in pain, undoing the knot I made myself into and trying to assess the damage. It was a major sigh of relief that there was no break or even a scratch or scuff on my beloved Sebastian stilettos. My right ankle, however, didn’t look so cute anymore while noticeably swelling up, visible even under the black shade of my Neon 40 tights. Luckily my knee fared a lot better, the pain had gone away.

So let this be a warning to all you princesses with an affinity for tall stiletto heels with nice sharp points on them. You will still look sexy as hell in them, even with that grapefruit sized ankle.