It’s that time of year, ho ho ho. Ok, whatever, another year of getting socks, candy and a couple of t-shirts. Woo hoo! Well, your crossdressing friend (wink wink) always has a few things on her wishlist when returning home for the holidays. I understand it is not always easy to shop for that little girly man but, take it from me, these suggestions can help…

10. A stocking for the other leg.

9. A free pass to go ahead and dress away in front of the whole family. No one can say a word or they get shot.

8. Your conservative, law-abiding, church-going and happily divorced uncle decided he won’t be making it this year.

7. A good time to repurpose that perfume gift set from last year that you didn’t like.

6. An official pardon form your sister for stealing all her shit from her closet.

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Sheery in bed and in Wolford head to  toe

It goes without saying that we as crossdressers have wild thoughts going through our minds, especially when relaxing, sipping wine and getting in the mood. Yes, our fantasies take us to uncharted waters, hold no boundaries and give us moments of that little adrenaline rush for what could be in complete ecstasy. OK, maybe we may get a good wank out of it. No boundaries remember.

Now I won’t speak for all crossdressers but I will say a good part will have one or more of these fantasies. You don’t have to admit it!

10. Wish a push-up bra worked for the belly.

9. Wish someone would say with a straight face that I’m the prettiest thing they ever saw.

8. … Or at least let me know I have a run in my pantyhose.

7. Be a normal man again, but with only a couple of feminine tendencies.

6. Wish there were an easier way of dealing with the “bulge”… or to be in fashion for actual women to have one.

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Obviously a Pantyhose Fetish

Sure, long gone are the days of secretly hiding your pantyhose stash out of view from your parents. Maybe on occasion they caught on to it. These days, however, likely it’s still not ideal if the general public catches wind of your secret hobbies. No worries, yet you may want to pay attention to those little details you may have forgotten that are just about to out you…

And so we have the top ten dead giveaways of your pantyhose fetish activities, you weirdo.

10. You no longer have socks in your drawer.

9. People are suspicious of you describing everything as silky and shiny.

8. All you ever complain about are runs, and you never ran a day in your life.

7. Old pantyhose litter your house like old war trophies. Guilty here.

6. You hang around the Hooters in sunglasses a bit too much.

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There were many a day in the past where I’ve had that same conversation with myself, then repeatedly came to the same conclusion: So when am I going to quit my crossdressing once and for all? I remember that time when I moved out of my parent’s house to go to college when I knew for sure I’d ditch that, ahem, filthy (but fun) habit. That went well. Or maybe it was that time when I was in pantyhose looking at the mirror at the hair on my legs all squished up, again I thought why keep doing this? Since then I’ve shaved my legs periodically.

So maybe you’ll have better luck and to give you a little nudge, here are the top ten ways you can quit your dirty, filthy (but maybe fun?) habit of yours.

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Pantyhose leg pose

It’s been a while since I posted a Top Ten here. Good enough reason to bring it back!

For those of us crossdressers, we aren’t just silly little boys trying out lacy underwear for kicks. OK maybe some of us do but, on to my point, eventually in our secret lives, we have to come to terms with this little thing we’re into. It’s not easy but we do have to admit them to ourselves. Here is a compilation to make it easy…

10. Women’s clothes are WAY more expensive than men’s.

9. We realize there is a woman inside us trying to get out. Then a man. Then a woman again…

8. Someone WILL catch you. Better look your best!

7. Window shopping for heels is fun, until you realize you like a pair but need a size 42.

6. Makeup and crayons are practically the same things to us.

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Sheery in Bustier and Pantyhose

Ah yes, the dilemma many of us crossdressers will face in our feminine journeys (or unless we’re being blackmailed): to stay in the proverbial closet or come out to the world. Admitedly, it is a tough decision so maybe realizing why we are in there in the first place may help us to dip our pantyhosed toes in the pool.

10. Your dog has been threatening to out you.

9. The crossdresser in me has no problem, but the gay side, well…

8. Might as well, your parents have caught you inside already.

7. Still hiding from those pantyhose monsters your mom told you about after she caught you wearing hers.

6. Still figuring out what that pansexuality thing is. May come out as that instead.

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Wolford pantyhose and string teddy

I quite simply love pantyhose. It’s hard, though, to love something so much and not have it change your life in some way, if maybe a little perverted. Yet perversion is lovely, fun and sexy thing to dwell in so here are my reasons why my life will never be the same with pantyhose. Well, besides the obvious really…

10. Three words: hand wash, ugh.

9. The razor for my legs is more expensive than the one for my face.

8. I say things now such as, “bare legs… ewww!”

7. I spend more on a pair of pantyhose than on a date.

6. Suntan has a whole new happier meaning now.

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Teddy and Pantyhose

It’s probably a given that if you are reading this right now, you might have tried at some point to stop crossdressing, only to come back as if falling off the wagon of masculinity… again. No worries, your inner woman always welcomes you back and asks you, “Who the hell are you kidding?” If you need more reinforcement, here are ten reasons to listen to her.

10. It’s either those pristine, always hand-washed pair of silky thong panties or those old tighty-whities with the skid mark still showing.

9. You never have to leave the house to hook up with a woman.

8. You don’t have a fucking clue what else to do with your heels collection.

7. Bruce Jenner has been your hero from the beginning.

6. The hormones have already kicked in.

5. You’re still the starting catcher on your team.

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Satin Teddy and Wolford Pantyhose

I’d have to say that between today and five years ago, I’ve grown quite a bit as a woman (OK, a wannabe but still). Boys are calling me (albeit feminized ones), I wear a bra around all the time and I do things like shave my legs and put makeup on routinely… like a chore. You know what though? I get my kicks out of feeling like and being a (wannabe) woman and here are my top ten reasons why.

Not that I need them of course. Bitch.

10. I seem to be enjoying pruning the hedges more.

9. 5 o’ clock shadow refers now to legs these days…

8. Which, coincidentally, is also referred to “black pantyhose day.”

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Pantyhose over face
Image: Wormed of Horrors

Sure, we as crossdressers like to have our fun and our whole motto could arguably be summed up as “we do whatever the fuck we want, dressed as women.” While we surely do not live by a behavior code (or any kind of code, really), there are some things, however, we might want to pay some mind to. As in please, for the sake of our beloved crossdressing community, cut this shit out.

So without further ado, I present ten things crossdressers need to stop doing right this second.

10. Using the terms “passable,” “lesbian,” “slut” or “whore” to describe ourselves unless, of course, a vagina was recently installed.

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