I may give an impression that I’m quite the out-of-the-closet crossdresser that you may have seen down the street but the truth is I am still quite private in my life as a crossdresser. Although I have been out in public a few times, it is still kind of a rare thing for me. I guess you can say I still have a foot outside of that proverbial closet at the moment. I am definitely not ready to reveal my feminine self to friends and family. It may never even get to that point but who knows what the future holds?
Now that said, I know that there is that desire to tell my story to someone… anyone please! In particular, that person would not judge me but, at worst, may get a little surprise at my taste in women’s undies or possibly doing a double take looking at one of my female “poser” photos. Keep in mind I’m not talking about those semi-anonymous online friends who I may have had a dirty conversation with here or there.
I mean an actual live person that I could admit all my secrets to, a non-friend and non-family member and definitely someone that does not know any of my friends or family. Hey, sometimes I have to go all out CIA to make sure those rumors don’t get around to the wrong people if you know what I mean.
I would have thought this person would be another crossdresser but, in my case, I happened to be in a crowded bar having a casual conversation with another male who mentioned he was gay, naturally as though he were out of the closet (which he was). I can’t really remember the entire conversation but I do remember saying something to the effect that looks aren’t always what they seem, referring to myself.
“Oh really?” he asked (that I do remember). “Um Yeah, I’m a crossdresser,” I said a bit surprised that I actually did say it. Yet we still finished our conversation as if none of it really mattered. However the topic of my secret crossdressing life did come back to the forefront of the conversation and, meanwhile, I’m wondering why the hell I just told him that.
I recently had an epiphany about my whole crossdressing life up until now. Primarily, I’m no longer a little teenie-bopper sneaking around with my stash of girly goodies waiting eagerly for a chance to slip into some pantyhose in my room with the door locked. Those days are LONG past. Yet, given how long it was ago, I can still remember my dress sessions rather vividly, as if it were my first time driving.
I’m not afraid to admit it to myself that crossdressing is deeply rooted part of my personality. I love it, have an inredible passion in it and, well, I just happen to like throwing on a pair of pantyhose and getting off on it… for the last few decades. Is there really any harm in it? Ok, so maybe getting a snag in the nylons but that’s another story.
I find it of interest in my self-assessment, however, that crossdressing is obviously ingrained in my own sexuality. Before you go all Captain Obvious here, think about it. Man throws on pantyhose, some lingerie and maybe a wig and a little makeup. Then dot some perfume on for good measure before stepping into those heels. Typical crossdresser duties and was actually what I did just an hour ago.
Yet that’s where the silky things end and crossdresser me takes the stage. All five senses are heightened (yes, I can taste the “fruit” from my lipstick), arousal is taking it’s shape and I NEED, right then and there, to be missy me. No longer am I the weird dude with the feminine tendencies but rather a transformed me with feminine desires and feelings. And those desires now have to be met.
Ah yes, the dilemma many of us crossdressers will face in our feminine journeys (or unless we’re being blackmailed): to stay in the proverbial closet or come out to the world. Admitedly, it is a tough decision so maybe realizing why we are in there in the first place may help us to dip our pantyhosed toes in the pool.
10. Your dog has been threatening to out you.
9. The crossdresser in me has no problem, but the gay side, well…
8. Might as well, your parents have caught you inside already.
7. Still hiding from those pantyhose monsters your mom told you about after she caught you wearing hers.
6. Still figuring out what that pansexuality thing is. May come out as that instead.
Ah, it’s that time of year again. The weather heats up and we all come crawling out of our solitary caves, out for whatever piece of life that exists beyond our abodes. For us closeted crossdressers, that means skipping all those layers over your pantyhose and bra and getting out there to flash some femininity in public.
One image I can’t get stuck out of my head this time of year is Catherine Bach (you know, Daisy Duke) in her tight little shorts and pantyhose covering her so very long legs. In fact, it even inspired me this time around to try out my own leg show just the other day.
As a closet crossdresser (i.e. scaredy-cat), probably the one scenario that scares the absolute shit out of me is hopping into the bathroom, taking a shower, throwing on my feminine attire and then walking out of the bathroom only to find all my friends and family waiting outside. Happy Birthday!
In other words, there is no way I am ready to come out as tranny me. Not yet, anyway. Though the thought of it has continually crossed my mind only to be shot down again and again. What a total pussy I am.