A little over five years ago, I bought my first perfume seemingly for the novelty of trying to be the sweet smelling woman. It was a nice scent, Escada Desire Me, and on sale for half off. Basically it was a half-ass trial at incorporating another new dimension to my crossdressing routine. Since then, every now and then I would dab some on, then forget about it not really remembering that I have it on. Then I would annoyingly have to remember to wash it off as best I can when going out in public.
(Side note, I did get a comment on my “deodorant” when I forgot to do this one time.)
Basically perfume had never really done anything for me. Fast forward to this year and that has changed completely which also happened to coincide with my crossdressing evolution. When paired up with going the full gamut dressing up (yes including the wig and the hour spent on makeup), perfume becomes the icing on the cake and completes stimulating all the senses. And once you stimulate all the senses, you have a moment you can never forget.
This is how I view my own sensual stimulation:
Sight – Looking at myself in a mirror, taking a photo (duh)
Sound – That noise when you rub pantyhosed legs together
Taste – That vanilla-like flavor from a good lipstick
Touch – This could be a number of things, ahem, pick one
Smell – Perfume
I’ve recently touched on the subject of my ever-evolving bisexuality and, looking back, even my past foray into bi-curiousness nearly a decade ago. Oh my how I was the curious kid exploring sexuality in all its many strange facets. It’s hard for me to believe that there was a time in my life where I had the hard-core, church-abiding belief that sex with women was the only road that lied ahead. Of course, I had that little “likes to wear women’s underwear problem” at that young age which I had naively assumed would pass as an adult.
Um, yeah, I really envisioned back then, too, worrying about how many days I can go without shaving my legs these days.
But here I am in a comfortable camisole, pantyhose with panties over them, a satin robe, wig and a swipe of lipstick and quick spray of perfume. Oh, I forgot the glass of wine too. I like to “get in the mood,” even a little bit horny, so when I write here my thoughts come through clearly as my female alter ego. I enjoy feeling like a woman even if it doesn’t lead to sex or masturbation although, admittedly, I could use both at the moment.
My first thoughts in these free-spirited effeminate moments usually turn to fantasies involving other crossdressers. You know… like rubbing our nyloned legs together, smudging our lipstick together, lipstick staining our pantyhose or, ahem, other body parts. Then, of course, getting jackhammered in the back door until I’m unable to sit on anything for at least a day. I would say I’m still attracted to genetic women, however, sex with crossdressers take me to a whole other level of excitement.
Of course nothing beats my love for silky pantyhose but I did have a thing for leotards back in the day. I can’t help but to think of those Jane Fonda posters with her posing legs stretched in the air and clad in a high-cut leotard, tights and leg warmers.Why they even used belts over their leotards as an eye-catching accessory back then too. My what lovely memories of body hugging spandex shining in the light and the best friend to my dear pantyhose.
I do still have my Reebok racer-back a la 90’s and a couple of Jane Fonda inspired leotard gems of my own but I realize we are well into 2020, wait 2021 already (!), and the coveted leotard is hardly used by even dancers these days. Maybe I’ll just look forward to a Jazzercise themed party in the future but, until then, those spandex garments will sit nicely folded and (hopefully not) forgotten in the meantime.
Yet what is this we have now that I have ignored all along? The… bodysuit? Well thank god for whoever invented this which is practically a leotard made for everyday wear, not to mention in a fashion forward sense as well. Girly, tight-fitting, sexy and, get this, cool. I can definitely get onboard with that!
Actually, I started getting into bodysuits when I realized my all-time favorite company in the world, Wolford – makers of the Neon 40 tights, have been making them for quite a long time. AND they are gorgeous and come in a million styles to choose. Well, actually only a few “new and exclusive” styles each year since, after all, they are a high-end fashion company.
One of the reasons I enjoy writing this blog is that it serves as a diary of sorts. It is usually while slipping into my lady things and feeling the feminine vibes and then getting my inspiration into words. I also have a separate little black journal I write to although it is not quite as extensive in my (perverse) thoughts as it is here. The journal is also a lot harder to hide from people in case I’m dumb enough to leave it on the coffee table, which tends to happen on occasion.
(Note that you may have noticed a lapse in time last year. Just assume I was macho me the whole time, OK?)
Having this blog means I even like to go back and read my own writing to see what I was thinking about at some random point in time in the past, which tends to amuse me today. I ran across one entry in particular about my evolving bi-curious nature, though, which I felt the need to revisit since my sexuality has taken quite the detour from nearly ten years ago.
Back then I was coming to terms that I was wanting more than just “vanilla” hetero relationships and felt an urge to explore my sexuality. from the perspective of a woman, or kind of like one at least. I didn’t want to just dress up. I wanted to be the woman that gives the blowjob or takes a good pounding (albeit from the rear). It felt sexy and exciting to fantasize about it, plus it went everything against my rather conservative upbringing which just made it all the more exciting.
I often times think about how my crossdressing has evolved over the years. Well, maybe even my whole life. More than two thirds of it, I’d say, I desperately tried all I could to keep it a secret. It was something I would do every now and then in private just to get my kicks and then get on with my day. I guess I thought of it back then as just some of my “weird” tendencies.
Yet back then, it was only about slipping into pantyhose which eventually led to slipping on lingerie along with it. I knew that only made me a male in women’s underwear since I surely didn’t look the part of anything female. It was enjoyable and satisfying nonetheless. Those “taboo” articles of clothing made it oh so alluring to drape it on my body and pretend I was female in some perverted sort of way. At least that was how I thought of it back then.
Today, however, my own crossdressing has evolved to a point where I couldn’t have imagined even ten years ago. No more am I the male pantyboy (or more like the resident pantyhoseboy). Instead I have incorporated more “girlyness” into my everyday lifestyle. For example, I shave all body hair (even my face!) and keep my fingernails and toenails perfectly trimmed with my toenails nearly almost always painted. Then there is that subtle dot of perfume that I like to put right over my deodorant in the morning.
I don’t exactly give myself away entirely as little miss me but I do absolutely enjoy giving away a hint of my feminine side whenever I can. And each day it is a little bit more than the last.
I am always left thinking, though, what will I be like ten years from now if I keep going in this direction?
Normally I’m all about whatever Wolford makes, like you know those Neon 40 tights. It shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m signed up for their newsletter, have a Wolford branded makeup bag and now a nice little collection of tights, bodysuits, bras, panties… you get the idea. So one day, while browsing their website to their new additions, I came across something that was somewhat hard to fathom, especially for them.
Is that pantyhose for the arms I see? They look like long gloves (which I also love) but not covering the hands, AKA sleeves.
OK, well, time to buy these and check them out for myself.
Then they come. I rip the little boxes open and slip one of these suckers on my left arm. Then the other on the right arm.
If you’re like me (of course you are), then after all those years of slipping into your favorite pantyhose and lingerie, you have those few items that you have and will always love forever. By the way, I estimate I have worn approximately 500 pairs of pantyhose and around 200 pieces of lingerie in my lifetime. Yet there are only a few items that I still have that are very dear to my heart.
Note that I’m not talking pantyhose here. Don’t get me wrong, they are my first love and I still have my very first pair of Wolford Neon 40 on display in my bedroom (now too worn to wear). Lingerie, however the complement to my beloved legwear they may be, is still a valued treasure in my book though.
So back to that lingerie. To the day there is that one very piece I continue to wear, a black Victoria’s Secret teddy, purchased five years ago on a whim. It was one of those rare purchases that was actually much better when you have and hold it than what you see in pictures before buying. And what a beautiful teddy it was.
I usually have issues with wearing teddies being they are too constrictive and/or the fit is off or, worse, it just plain looks bad. I get it. They are not made for men or an effeminate one at that. However, this one, while coming out of the package looking very teeny weeny tiny, actually fit to perfection. Not only that, but there were no restrictions in movement whatsoever. In other words, it was nice and comfortable. Up until now, a comfortable teddy was practically a paradox.
But comfort is just a small part of the equation. How it looks, at least to yourself, is what really counts doesn’t it?
NOTE: I know it’s been a while since I posted here. Let’s just say a lot of life has happened between 2018 and now. I’ve thought about closing up shop here during this time but, you know what? I’m still a crossdresser and, to be honest, I am now more than ever. Like really seriously into it 😉
A couple months ago, I did a Google search for a particular (feminine) garment I was interested in (can’t remember what it was though) and I came across a new website I’ve never seen or heard of ever, Vinted. That garment was for sale brand new at a price that I thought was rather low. Well, I didn’t happen to buy it but I did spend a good couple of hours browsing around in there. The OMG moment finally came around.
If you’re not familiar with Vinted, it’s more or less a website that promotes clearing out your mass of unused clothing and/or buying it from someone else who wants to clear out their rejected threads. It’s almost identical to eBay in a way, however, eBay is, really, too hard to find what you are looking for. Vinted is pretty much just for finding clothing and that’s it.
In the nearly two months that I’ve used Vinted, I’ve been obsessed with it. I’ve not only found awesome second hand clothing but also new items still with tags that people just happen to have sitting around. What a concept!
Of course, I could have looked around and shop for regular male clothes but, hell no! I went after all the womens’ wear that I have always been dreaming about draping over my body. Miniskirts, bodysuits, lingerie and of course my most sought out items… anything Wolford.
While I can’t speak for all crossdressers out there, I firmly believe that eventually a line gets crossed where one goes from the occasional pantyhose-under-the-jeans to the full-on appearing (more) like a woman. Or, at least hoping to appear like one.
Calling it growing up or hitting puberty if you will. Really, there are those little things you do just like a little teeny-bopper girl. Shave your legs and armpits (and beard A LOT more), exfoliate and lotion all over, manicures, pedicures, etc, etc. They not only make you look more feminine but FEEL more feminine as well. And feeling more feminine makes you act more feminine, too, which is kind of the end goal of this whole crossdressing thing. Well, in my book anyway.
One way I found to validate myself as a crossdresser was to have at least have a decent photo. That is definitely the hardest thing to do since you either have to hire a friend or photographer to do the deed or learn how to use the auto feature on your own camera. Then, of course, the most important part: the pose.
There is always the easy way out… taking a selfie or a mirror-selfie. How lame is that, though, since the selfie is so ubiquitous that they are really hardly even noticed. Maybe one here or there is OK, but if a portrait collection consists of only selfie photos, then why even bother?
I know I’m being a bit snotty but, coming from a crossdresser who has taken many a bad photo and has quite the collection to prove it, having a good photo of yourself where someone viewing it has to ask, “Man or woman?” is the ultimate joy of growing into my own feminine self.
While I do have some bodysuits in my vast collection of lingerie, I only have the ones that lightly drape over my body, kind of like a leotard. For the most part, they are comfortable and perfect for lounging around as feminine me. Then there are those bodysuits that are strictly for shaping, tightening you up in all those loose places. Those, however, tend to make me feel like a sausage and look like someone out of a 80’s Sears catalog.
One day, in my occasional lingerie browsing, I came across a bodysuit that looked incredible (of course on a female model) but was a shaper type. Normally that makes me look on but I couldn’t take my eye off of this, the Item m6 Shape String Body. It appeared somewhat like a swimsuit but was a typical style I normally like in a non-shaping bodysuit.
Regardless, I bought one… and was quite surprised by what I slipped into.