Dressed, Sipping Wine and, Oh, Some Lovely Thoughts Cross(dress)ing In My Head

Sheery in DKNY bodysuit and pantyhose

As usual, I like to write here when I’m in the mood. That is, fully crossdressed and feeling like miss me. Over the years though, (and it has been quite a lot of years writing here) I’ve gone from slipping on some pantyhose and maybe lingerie to full-on shaving, makeup, wig, perfume and paying attention to those little details to transform myself into a more feminine persona. Oh yeah, and a spray of Chanel No. 5 really does help with that.

I know I’ve dived into this before but the more I’m transformed into a woman and see more of a woman in the mirror, I can’t help but to convince myself I just might actually pass for one. It’s definitely a feeling of empowerment and, not to mention, quite a high that I get off of. I don’t know, I would say kind of like an adrenaline rush I’m having even though I’m not actually out in public strutting my stuff if you know what I mean.

Of course all of this makes me incredibly horny yet in a way that truly distinct from my usual male self. It is just something about smelling that perfume or noticing that flavor from my lipstick or even noticing that warm silky feel of the pantyhose draping my legs. Or is it the wine? It is as if it is an experience of being an actual woman who feels turned on which, in itself, I can say is truly a pleasure I crave.

Then it’s moments like these that I occasionally break out the Fleshlight (with that little thing so I can mount it on my refrigerador) and desire nothing more than to be rammed in my backdoor, ironically, while standing in my heels and fucking my little toy. I have natural female-like boobs, too, (weird genetics) so I also like to pull down my bra and push my breasts together wishing a cock would squeeze right between and come right in the middle of them. Oh, and then I like to give a soft rub on my nipples which gives me mini-orgasms.

You can say my masturbation has evolved over the years.

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Ok, So Now What Do I Do Here?

Wolford Vegan Leather Body

Image: wolfordshop.com

Ever see something that on first glance you just have to have it? Yeah, like I really have to ask a crossdresser such a question with an obvious answer? Well, several months back, my eyes glanced on this vegan leather bodysuit from Wolford that made me nearly come in my tights. Aside from that, it is a collaboration with Amina Muaddi and (YIKES) has quite a hefty price tag, $665 in the US and £409 in the UK. OK, I would have waited until the end of season sale for this one I guess.

Yet this thing was so gorgeous I debated selling my car, plasma… my body just to be able to slip into this sexy, kind of fetichy garment. Alright, no I didn’t but you could see what I mean. I really did have to have it.

Then it turned out that miracle happened and I found this very same Wolford bodysuit on Vinted for $100 in perfect condition. It was in a size small which, normally with Wolford bodysuits, I can fit into snugly. So of course I would also like a (vegan) leather bodysuit to look like it were painted on. At a fraction of the price, I rushed to buy it and eagerly awaited that delivery truck like the ice cream man.

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Top Ten Ways To Quit Your Crossdressing

There were many a day in the past where I’ve had that same conversation with myself, then repeatedly came to the same conclusion: So when am I going to quit my crossdressing once and for all? I remember that time when I moved out of my parent’s house to go to college when I knew for sure I’d ditch that, ahem, filthy (but fun) habit. That went well. Or maybe it was that time when I was in pantyhose looking at the mirror at the hair on my legs all squished up, again I thought why keep doing this? Since then I’ve shaved my legs periodically.

So maybe you’ll have better luck and to give you a little nudge, here are the top ten ways you can quit your dirty, filthy (but maybe fun?) habit of yours.

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So I Slipped Into Pantyhose Today, Again …

Me in a Wolford Bodysuit and Neon 40 pantyhose

Like countless times before, I find myself sitting down with a cup of coffee in hand and legs draped in my favorite black Wolford Neon 40 pantyhose. I notice a little wear on the heel but, no problem, I have more (yes, more than one) of the same colored Wolford in case of a quick need to replace them. Or maybe a special night out on the town. Yeah right, I’ll be staying in tonight.

Anyway, while I scroll through the news on my mobile, I wiggle my toes and admire that ever-present shine, something I’ve also done a million times. I figure I should be bored of this by now but I’m not. I feel great wearing my most prized garment. Actually not just great but really comforted over my lower half, like a cross between silky tactile pleasure and a nice warm hug from a good friend.

Of course I’m also wearing a bodysuit like in the image above (not the same one though) and a short silky robe to round out my household look. Yet I kind of look at them as adornments to how killer I think my legs look in Wolford pantyhose. I mention Wolford since they are my favorite pantyhose at the moment but these could very well be one my other Oroblu, Pierre Mantoux or even Danskin tights I’ll slip into every once in a while.

Now, to say I have a pantyhose fetish makes me laugh and cry out loud. Of course I use to download those JPEG images and watch any kind of videos where pantyhose was the star (yes porn too, OK?). Not to mention gaze at lovely women wearing those shiny tights from behind my sunglasses. I’ve jerked off plenty of times with nothing more than the closest pair of tights and a hand and, if I do a hard search, I’m pretty sure I can come up with a pair of cum-stained hose that I could try on again for a quick chuckle.

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Time to Spill All Your Dirty Little Crossdressing Secrets

Posing in Victorias Secret teddy and Wolford tights

I may give an impression that I’m quite the out-of-the-closet crossdresser that you may have seen down the street but the truth is I am still quite private in my life as a crossdresser. Although I have been out in public a few times, it is still kind of a rare thing for me. I guess you can say I still have a foot outside of that proverbial closet at the moment. I am definitely not ready to reveal my feminine self to friends and family. It may never even get to that point but who knows what the future holds?

Now that said, I know that there is that desire to tell my story to someone… anyone please! In particular, that person would not judge me but, at worst, may get a little surprise at my taste in women’s undies or possibly doing a double take looking at one of my female “poser” photos. Keep in mind I’m not talking about those semi-anonymous online friends who I may have had a dirty conversation with here or there.

I mean an actual live person that I could admit all my secrets to, a non-friend and non-family member and definitely someone that does not know any of my friends or family. Hey, sometimes I have to go all out CIA to make sure those rumors don’t get around to the wrong people if you know what I mean.

I would have thought this person would be another crossdresser but, in my case, I happened to be in a crowded bar having a casual conversation with another male who mentioned he was gay, naturally as though he were out of the closet (which he was). I can’t really remember the entire conversation but I do remember saying something to the effect that looks aren’t always what they seem, referring to myself.

“Oh really?” he asked (that I do remember). “Um Yeah, I’m a crossdresser,” I said a bit surprised that I actually did say it. Yet we still finished our conversation as if none of it really mattered. However the topic of my secret crossdressing life did come back to the forefront of the conversation and, meanwhile, I’m wondering why the hell I just told him that.

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How a Good Wig Transformed a Crossdresser to Pseudo Superheroine

Sheery in a Redhead Wig

At last count I had six wigs lying around the house. I think there is another one deeply buried in storage next to some old pantyhose from the year 2000 but we won’t count that one. They have all served their purpose at certain points as the icing on that delicious cake of me the crossdresser. Actually they have been more like the cherry on top, so to speak. Basically, a wig has been nothing more than a finishing touch when I am in the mood to dress.

Up until recently I actually haven’t given much though to that little cherry until I went out and paid for a decent one. I was always pretty much happy with the 30€ – 50€ ($33 – $55) bargain barn rugs that went on the top of my head but I had never given a second though to quality since it never really seemed to matter. If hair is fake, it is fake and, well, looks the part.

Then I figured why not try out a REAL wig as in a professionally made prosthetic piece instead of using the same old strands of plastic that I’ve been use to. I thought about it back and forth whether to shell out ten times the price I paid for the cheapos and, even more funny, thought about just getting another ten head rugs in different colors and styles. I eventually made the rational decision to go for the quality and maybe in a tint that I would not normally go for… the redhead.

So I forked over the several hundred euros from my credit card to a German company for the “Carlotta” bob wig in a “paprika” color. It is quite a lovely piece with curls and a length a little bit short of the shoulders. I decided I had to ready myself well for the trial so I showered and slipped into my girly attire and then spent a good hour doing my makeup. God I hate putting on makeup although I do really like the end result.

Then I carefully combed through the wig with my hands and gently placed it on. I nearly came when I looked at myself in the mirror.

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WARNING: Pantyhose May Cause Permanent Life-Altering Changes

My leg in Wolford Neon 40 pantyhose

Just moments ago I happened to find myself slipping into a pair of Capezio shiny dance tights that I found in a box tucked away in the back of a cabinet a little bit earlier. Of course I didn’t stop there adding a bustier, some tight-ass daisy dukes, heels, wig and some fucsia lipstick to round it all out. I pranced and posed in front of the mirror admiring what I see, and getting very much in the mood if you know what I mean.

So I had to do what any pantyhosed freak in a similar mood would do in that moment. A little self-loving and some frosting for the cake. Oh yes, I did have a taste in case you were wondering.

In the past (like decades ago), after these typical pantyhose-donning episodes, I usually came out of them in a rush to take off my pantyhose, feeling like I committed a serious sin and swearing I will never do this again (albeit fun at that moment). I always knew I would get these urges to “wrongly” wear silky pantyhose and lingerie in the future but I wouldn’t be able to sustain this forever. Or would I? I figured I would quit my experimental phase of crossdressing eventually and maybe have a normal married life.

If you have read around this blog, you would obviously find this is not true. And I have nothing but pantyhose to blame for turning my life upside down. Oh, why did you have to come into my life way back when I was a kid and give me that little “kink” of pleasure that I couldn’t stop thereafter? I didn’t even like women’s underwear or even looking like a woman way back then. Why why why?

Maybe you are into your own little fix of pantyhose and a wank, probably with a pair of panties thrown in (I don’t judge). However, take my warning, because pantyhose may become the gateway to the following…

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Remember Those Old Pantyhose Images You Saved Way Back Then?

An old Pantyhose Please image

Just this past week, I had an old external hard drive that I found and was about to toss during my spring cleaning. I had originally planned to take a heavy hammer to it and smash it to bits but, for shits and giggles, cleaned it up a bit and connected it to my laptop just to see what was still on it. It pretty much had all the usual digital stuff you accumulate… work, resumes, random documents and, oh, what is that?

My, that looks like the old treasure trove of pantyhose images I had collected from WAY back when! I realize how “sick” I must be since I have already spent a good two hours looking through these as if they were long lost family photos. The hell with that though, it was nice to go through my old stash of soft-porny images and getting off again like the good old days.

And those days I remember very well. Hours on end surfing the net for free pantyhose images. And not just any images, the shiny pantyhose ones I preferred (and with a bit of lingerie if possible). I distinctly remember there even used to be a website called Winnie Cooper Pantyhose Links from back in the 90’s that would post daily links to galleries where I could get a ton of free photos (like the one you see above).

I guess you can say I was pretty much a pervert back in those days but I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. To my defense, if you had access to free smut, why not take all you can? Although it was a bit of work finding the “good” pics, it was worth it, as I could see with my 25GB collection. I remember decades ago when moving to another apartment running into old Playboy magazines stashed away. Of course I paused and looked through those too.

Besides the actual images, I was also curious about timestamps from the images. From those you can kind of judge when the images were actually created. I happened to find some that were from 2001 from a site called Dodgers UK. Sadly, they don’t look like they are around any longer but, looking through those, I noticed some featured my all time favorite Wolford Neon 40 and I don’t think I realized it. The telltale sign of that being the waistband and unique shiny opaqueness.

Dodgers UK - Wolford Neon 40 image

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I Finally Realized That All Along I Had a Leotard Fetish Too

My butt in a leotard and tights

I guess it is pretty telling of my age just even mentioning the leotard, the 80’s sexy symbol of the fitness craze of the time. Not to mention, they happened to never go without their sister counterpart, glossy colorful tights. I can even remember as a kid taking a liking to gymnastics so I could get the opportunity to wear them for, uh, comfort. Unfortunately, being labeled as “girly” at that young age quickly put an end to that.

That still did not put an end to my fondness for that tight, shiny body garment even though I grew more an more into the tights and pantyhose world. Luckily my mom and sister had a few of those workout VHS videos which I happily watched when they were not around (precursor to porn?). Anyway, my sister even had a couple leotards which I tried on every now and then… over her tights of course.

Obviously the leotard fell out of fashion in the 90’s and practically fell out of memory come the new millennium. Thanks to eBay, however, they still lurked around as “fetish” items. I gave in and got one long ago, as you see above, since I couldn’t help it. It was a nice flash from the past but those little kinks as a kid in the 80’s probably need to stay right where they are, as a distant memory. Sure, there are groups of leotard lovers, I guess even cosplay enter the picture here, but that just isn’t my thing these days. Long story short, it really clashes with my crossdressing.

I don’t want to be a Jane Fonda.

I checked and I think I even lost that shiny silver leotard. All I have is the photo 🙁

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Top Ten Things to Come to Terms With as a Crossdresser

Pantyhose leg pose

It’s been a while since I posted a Top Ten here. Good enough reason to bring it back!

For those of us crossdressers, we aren’t just silly little boys trying out lacy underwear for kicks. OK maybe some of us do but, on to my point, eventually in our secret lives, we have to come to terms with this little thing we’re into. It’s not easy but we do have to admit them to ourselves. Here is a compilation to make it easy…

10. Women’s clothes are WAY more expensive than men’s.

9. We realize there is a woman inside us trying to get out. Then a man. Then a woman again…

8. Someone WILL catch you. Better look your best!

7. Window shopping for heels is fun, until you realize you like a pair but need a size 42.

6. Makeup and crayons are practically the same things to us.

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