Getting Caught, So Feared Yet Such a Turn On

This teen's favorite hangout (Flickr: sshb)

This teen’s favorite hangout (Flickr: sshb)

From my perspective, one of my biggest fears as a in-closet crossdresser is being caught by someone who notices the tiny speck of nail polish remaining on my finger which I thought was completely clean. That or she notices the strap of my teddy just barely bulging through the sweatshirt I wear over it.

Those were two separate incidents, with me out and about in the city, where I didn’t know the other person. I initially try to avoid, at all costs, any revelation of my feminine attire since it makes me extremely embarrassed. Yet I notice that, as soon as the “shame” subsides, I am left with a gratifying feeling.

Is this how an exhibitionist feels, I wonder? Yep, I think it does.

Actually I can recall one of my most unforgettable moments, exposed as a crossdresser, starting out as an embarrassing situation and leading to a rush of sexual tension.

When I was fifteen and confined strictly to a pantyhose fetish, I decided I want to try out lingerie to accompany it. This time I wouldn’t “borrow” anything from my sister or mom. This would be mine to enjoy all to myself.

So one day after school, I walked into a JC Penney at a nearby mall and headed straight for the lingerie section. I couldn’t stop trembling as I entered and browsed about. There were maybe two or three other women there who might have noticed me. I managed to gather myself together, though, and concentrated on the task at hand.

Then I spot the two-piece turquoise blue camisole and panty set that I couldn’t resist. I figured a size medium set would suit and made my way to the register, trembling again as I realize I am about to actually buy lingerie for the first time. However, I wasn’t prepared for what came next.

The cashier, a woman, greeted me warmly but as she looked down at the camisole set I had placed on the counter, she said three words with an unforgettable look of surprise that made me want to die right there.

“Is this yours?”

Deeply embarrassed and obviously made as a crossdresser, I tell her yes as I contemplate turning around and running for the exit. I stick it out though, finishing the purchase with what composure I had left and leaving the store visibly shaken by this time. At that instant, I felt almost traumatized by the experience.

But as I calmed down, I began to notice the embarrassment was actually a rush for me. Something like an extreme adrenaline rush mixed with sexual excitement. Whatever it was, it manifested itself into incredibly intense masturbation as I tried on the camisole and panty later that day.

So, if being exposed is so gratifying, why don’t I just do it more often? It’s pretty simple: the urge to prevent embarassment to myself easily outweighs the urge to expose my crossdressing even though the shame quickly subsides and gives way to stimulation.

I believe that one day soon, as with many others into crossdressing, that hidden side of me will gain more exposure, little by little. Why haven’t you notice the pantyhose through the holes in my jeans yet?

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Posted in CD Diary
34 comments on “Getting Caught, So Feared Yet Such a Turn On
  1. Charlie says:

    Yes I agree, so much like breaking though a wall. The incredible danger of someone discovering you and then the rush of admitting it to someone, almost as if you are proclaiming it for someone to hear. I remember buying a pair of pantyhose when I was about 17, all my other purchases were done with the intention of escpaing with only a brief moment of apprehension. this time, however, things did not go as planned, I selected 4 pair of pantyhose and moved towards the register after doing my usual reconnaisance of the store. I got to the register and the clerk was a young woman and I was like “ok this will be over in a sec” when she asked me if they were the right size and about how tall, how much did she weigh and I started by saying she’s about and inch or two shorter than me (they always are) and about the same… then I stopped and it was as if I needed to “come out” to someone I said clearly “these are for me, I love wearing them!” She gave me no trouble and said, “nice, you’ll look cute in them!” Ever since then I enjoy it immensely and most times nothing is said but if a comment is made I make it quite clear that they are for me and I will be wearing them!

  2. Sheery says:

    Thanks for sharing Charlie. I will make it my next mission “coming out” to the cashier with an armful of pantyhose and lingerie. Then tell about it here.

  3. Edstock says:

    Hi. I can’t even remember when I came out to the cashier the first time, but it was looong ago. Since that time I practically always tell sales persons that I’m buying them for me. I have this little talk with ladies where I ask for some suggestions. Once I even asked changed my hose in the store. I said that mine just got ripped and I heading for a “meeting” that’s why I need to change right now. Everything worked out just fine. So don’t be scared. Be yourself and try to act as confident as you can.

  4. Sheery says:

    I’m willing to bet that they see so many men buying pantyhose/lingerie enough that it isn’t a big deal to them anymore. I still love getting a rush out of purchasing in person though!

  5. Lisa T says:

    “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. A famous quote that rings so true for crossdressers buying female items for themselves in boy mode or even more for those of us who venture out in public as our femme selves. What we do is not against the law in most places and there is no reason for us to feel guilty or ashamed for doing it! People sense fear and guilt and are much more likely to react negatively to it. Confident people are rarely challenged. It’s mostly about attitude. The feminist movement allowed women to present themselves in any way they choose while we men are still bound by arbitrary cultural stereotypes of what is masculine. We should be empowered to know that as crossdressers, we are at the forefront of male liberation! We have to accept ourselves before we can expect others to accept us. Wear your pantyhose with pride guys!

  6. Sheery says:

    Amen to that Lisa, although it is not always quite that easy to venture out into the public for a variety of reasons. However, it is a thrill once in a while!

  7. Pantyboy says:

    This brings back so many memories. I totally understand the rush that comes from being caught or exposed in public. In fact, it can be quite intoxicating and addictive. I’ve had so many experiences of purposely putting myself in a position of being exposed, from something as simple as a visible waistband to being “caught” in a semi-public location in something entirely inappropriate like a leotard and tights.

    I’m terrified of being seen by men, but it is so erotic to be so vulnerable in front of women, especially cute, young women of college age. The nervous giggles make me burn with erotic embarrassment.

  8. Amy Lee says:

    I love the trill of getting caught wearing pantyhose. I wear Pantyhose almost every day with either no-show socks, or no socks at all. I used to go out to the bars with my friends on Friday and Saturday nights. I always wore panties and pantyhose under my jeans (and if I felt really daring…I wore a Garter Belt and Stockings!), but never any socks to hide the hose. I really got turned on by the thrill of trying to get caught. I also liked to wear my women’s brown Two inch heeled sandals. My polished toes were 95% covered, but if anyone looked closely they would see my candy apple red painted toes peeking out behind the leather straps. I loved the two inch height advantage the shoes gave me, and with my long jeans no one could see the heel, . At least no one ever told me they saw them. I always got nervous when we sat down, because my pant legs would ride up exposing my sandals and hose. One night after a couple Heineken’s, I was sitting at the bar talking to a girl I knew. All of my friends had already left. I was talking to a tall leggy blonde named Sandy. Sandy was always dressed to kill in tight mini dresses, pantyhose and high heels. I used to drool over Sandy. She had the hottest legs. As we were talking, drinking and eating some bar popcorn, Sandy looks down at my crossed leg. I obviously was relaxed and forgot that I was wearing a garterbelt, nude stockings and women’s heeled sandals, and had crossed my leg’s. She smiles and then all of a sudden she reaches down and rubs my crossed left hose covered ankle. She giggles and says: “oh my god Paul, you’re wearing nylons and women’s sandals?” I immediately turn bright red uncross my legs and say “no! What are you talking about? Sandy said she thought my bare ankles looked kinda shiny, and when she touched my ankle she felt the hose. You are wearing women’s pantyhose aren’t you? I was caught, and I didn’t know what to say. Sandy had me cross my leg again so she could feel my ankle again. Are those Silk Reflections? Those are my favorite pantyhose! Paul, you wear expensive pantyhose! OMG, she exclaimed as she pulled up my pant leg…do you shave your legs? Busted! I turned 10 shades of red. Sandy kept rubbing my leg, and I instantly got a hard on…then she asked me if I was wearing panties too? I just smiled, and she instantly knew I was. Then all of a sudden her hand was on my thigh moving towards my crotch and she felt the Garters! Sandy gasped…you naughty boy!!! You’re not wearing Pantyhose, you’re wearing a Garterbelt and Stockings! She kept rubbing my legs checking out the garters and her hand started moving towards my swelling cock! My hand instantly grabbed hers before she reached my cock, because if she would have touched me I would have surely exploded! so she went back to rubbing my ankle, which really turned me on. My cock was starting to tent my panties and hose. And Sandy kept rubbing my hose and she knew it was driving me wid. She then asked again if I was wearing panties. To which I replied. “Um, Yea!” What kind she asked? I blushed even more when I told her a black silk thong. OMG Paul, I can’t believe you are wearing Silk Panties, a Garter Belt, Silk Stockings and High Heeled Sandals in Public! With your ankles exposed and I can see the garters through your jeans? I told her it was kind of a turn on. The thrill of getting caught. Are you wearing anything else? Now I turned even more red because under my shirt I was wearing a bra but because of the pattern of my shirt you couldn’t see it unless you really looked for it, or felt it. I was afraid to say anything but I could tell Sandy knew. She smiled and brought her hand around my back and felt for my bra straps. When she found my bra she grabbed it, pulled and let it snap. Busted. Paul, you are a naughty boy, or should I say girl? Sandy then asked me if I ever dressed up all the way? To which I replied “every Halloween!”. That’s next week she exclaimed! I know, I can’t wait I said. Sandy asked me if I did my own makeup? Usually, unless I can find someone else to do it. So Sandy volunteered. I’ll do your makeup. Are you sure I asked? YES, she eagerly replied!!! Wy don’t we go to my place now and we can practice. It was only 10pm, so I was game. She asked if I had a dress to wear? I have a couple I replied. AWSOME! Run home and get them and meet me at my apartment in 30 minutes. I’ll do your makeup and then you can give us a fashion show! OMG, what have I got myself into?
    We both got up and left. I ran home and quickly grabbed my “Amy Suitcase!” it had inside three different dresses, 4 skirts, 4 different wigs, two pairs of High Heeled Sandals, a cute white pair of leather Keds, dozens of pairs of Pantyhose and Stockings, a couple Garter Belts, two black Purses, a Makeup bag, Jewelry Bag, a MakeUp book, several copies of Penthouse Variations (with the Crossdressing Story pages flagged, and a couple of my favorite Crossdressing stories from printed out. Before I left I took a quick shower and shaved my legs and face again. I wanted to be perfectly smooth for Sandy. I quickly got dressed, putting on my sexiest black silk panties, black Garter belt, and black Silk Reflections Stockings. Rolling the Stockings up my freshly shaved legs is always a turn onI threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and drove to Sandy’s.

    Sandy opened the door and I got the shock of my life…she was there with her roommate Nancy! Nancy and I went to school together and had gone out eat and drink as friends between and after class several times. I had always wanted to date her but she had a boyfriend so we remained friends. I was really nervous with Nancy there and was afraid she would tell our other classmates that I was a Crossdresser. Nancy quickly put me at ease by telling me that Sandy had told her about me and they were both turned on about it. Sandy promised that she would never tell anyone! It was the thrill of a lifetime getting caught by Sandy and Nancy

  9. Laura says:

    I got caught buying pantyhose by an older woman at a grocery store. I went to a local grocery store to buy some additional pantyhose that were on sale. I wore black pantyhose with my black thong waist cincher over it…as I love how it feels with the thong going up tight in my nylon ass covered by loose nylon sweats. I was buying Leggs Jet Black STW pantyhose and no one else was around….I walked up to the check out and it was an older woman. I handed her my item and she immediately looked at the package and at me and said “wow, a guy buying pantyhose huh…..are ya off to the office soon?” I froze for a second…then with no one else around, pulled down the one side of the sweats revealing my top thigh and ass a lil…with black pantyhose…and I said “yes I am, just as soon as I get home to get all ready, my boss requires I wear pantyhose everyday!” she was a lil awwwwee struck…wow that felt good to say and sexy !

  10. Sheery says:

    Ooh, the pantyhose “flash”… love the quick comeback!

  11. Bobby says:

    Love the comment to cashier….nothing like a little truth with a little fiction to mix things up a little

  12. Darling2 says:

    Yes it’s nice to see a cashier, especially a women, responding sympatically with a smile…the face that they make when they discover that it’s our own pantyhose. I went back to buy other pair at the same store and told her that these pantyhose are very comfortable ;)…
    But some other cashiers look at you strangely…but i don’t mind anymore.
    I think I’ll look for reactions next time…I’m still a bit nervous when it comes to buy lingery

  13. PaulaPlaytex says:

    I love to wear my Bras and Panties I also wear Nylons and sleep in my Nightgown with my Bra and Panties underneath !

  14. Sheery says:

    @Paula I do the bra, panties and hose to bed sometimes. Other lingerie too!

  15. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Amy Lee…That is a wonderful story. I love “Getting Caught” wearing “My Bra and Panties”, all Lingerie is “Great to Wear” !!!

  16. Bobby says:

    I’ve been caught a few times in my panties and it is such a thrill. I usually wear my panties under my guy stuff when I’m out running errands cuz it feels so good. One time I wore some to a dentist appt for my cleaning and after arriving at the office I used the bathroom. I got called in and sat back in the chair and the lady cleaning my teeth who is usually quite chatty was very quiet and seemed distracted. So my teeth are done and she leans towards me and whispers “ You need to adjust your zipper because your purple panties are showing.” I turned beet red and quickly adjusted my zipper and panties and thanked her for letting me know about my problem. She said “ Happy to help. I hope you didn’t rip them because good panties are expensive.” I laughed and said “Don’t I know it. I’ll let you know next time if they’re ok.” We both laughed and I left definitely looking forward to my next appt.

  17. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby…I Hope You Were Also Wearing A Bra ??? After All, What Is Wearing Panties Without Your “Matching Bra” !!!

  18. Bobby says:

    Paula, no I wasn’t wearing a bra that time but six months later at my next cleaning I was wearing my matching red bra and thong. When I sat down she said “All tucked in today I see.” and laughed. I laughed too and said “Yes I covered everything up better today.” She raised and eyebrow and ask “Everything? You wear more than just panties?” I laughed and said “Sometimes.”

  19. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby…Just keep up on wearing your Bra !!! To Me, Wearing My Bra is the “Most Important Part” of Being a “CROSSDRESSER”. “I Never Leave Home Without It”. I LOVE MY BRAS !!!

  20. Bobby says:

    I wear what I can when I can cuz the wife isn’t a fan of my crossdressing. But at least there are some more understanding ladies out there 😃

  21. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby, even though I am a Man…I LOVE TO WEAR MY BRAS !!! Just “Girl ” Up !!!

  22. Bobby says:

    Paula, We all have our favorite items to wear and obviously yours is bras. Mine was panties but its changed over the years to a long corset with built in bra and garters. I LOVE the feel of garters and stockings!!!! My dentist friend does too!!!

  23. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby…I will still take to my “Bra Wearing” any day of the week !!! I sleep in my Nightgown, wearing my Bra underneath. To me, there is no better feeling than waking up with my Bra on !!! (I LOVE CHATTING WITH YOU !!!)

  24. Bobby says:

    Paula, I know how you feel. I had a chance to dress up for an entire evening and then stay dressed overnight and it was so great!! Taking off my skirt and blouse and slipping on a silky nighty and lying in bed was so different and so exciting. Chatting with you is so fun!!!

  25. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby…I just received 2 Underscore Bras (Made by Playtex for JCPenney), They are “Almond Color” (Light Beige) size 46C and 46D. I am wearing the 46C Bra now as I talk to you. It is one of the “Most Comfortable Bras” that I have ever owned !!! They were $30.00, Buy one get one 50% off…A VERY QUALITY BRA TO ADD TO MY COLLECTION !!! (So Long For Now)…Paula

  26. Bobby says:

    You lucky girl!!! I’m going to look them up as soon as I send this. Tell me all about wearing it…did you wear it out or just around the house? What did you wear it with?

  27. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby; So far I am just wearing (My Bra) in my apartment. I will wear it when I am out and about tomorrow. Most of the ladies here know that I wear a Bra, and are O K with me doing so. I have a few questions for you: Do you have “Pierced Ears” ??? I don’t, but I love to wear Clip-On Earrings when I am alone (Not Married). I also get Pedicures, Do You ???…My toes are currently “Painted HOT PINK” FYI: My Sister-In-Law gave me my first Bra, She Said That I Needed To Wear One (I Am A Natural 46C/D) and Thanks To Her, I Am Now Wearing My Bra “Full Time” Paula

  28. Bobby says:

    Paula, I don’t have pierced ears or anything else pierced nor do I have any tattoos. I also wear clip ons when I can but not as often as I would like since I’m married. I don’t get pedicures but I do keep my toes as nice as I can and I wear clear polish a lot. Nobody knows I’m wearing it but me but its still fun to do. Wow thats wild that your sister in law gave you a bra. Was it a plain and simple one or something pretty with lace and a bow? How do you naturally have a 46 C/D breast?

  29. PaulaPlaytex says:

    Bobby…The Bra that my S-I-L gave was just a plain Beige 0ne. I don’t know the brand (It ‘s tag was too faded). She also gave me a Pink Nightgown for Christmas last year. I HAVE ALWAYS HAD BIG BREASTS FROM “CHILDHOOD” ON, (They increased in size from Meds for Headaches). In March of 2001, I had a “Sinus Infection” And the Headaches have never gone away !!! How often do you wear “Your Bras and Panties ??? You can E-Mail me at: [email protected]…I Would love to “Chat with you one on one. Paula

  30. I love getting a little bra and thong on me and have pantyhose on and I like to have a woman for me to walk around in front of.

  31. I would really like her to dress me in her sexiest underwear and nylons and wear them around her house for her to get a girlfriend for a while until she’s satisfied that I have a fetish for womans lingerie

  32. I started with my sisters when I was 9 and then dress up with them and masturbating with them on. I would love to pose for selfies in the ones I have for any number of women who want to see. have you ever done that before.?

  33. I started with my sisters underwear and nylons and I like to wear women’s underwear because It makes me feel good and comfortable.

  34. Kim Cummings says:

    My mom caught me in her expensive panties and pantyhose. They didn’t fit well though. Mom was so sweet to buy me pretty panties and pantyhose in my size and showed me how to put on the nylons and wash my intimate attire.

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