As a closet crossdresser (i.e. scaredy-cat), probably the one scenario that scares the absolute shit out of me is hopping into the bathroom, taking a shower, throwing on my feminine attire and then walking out of the bathroom only to find all my friends and family waiting outside. Happy Birthday!
In other words, there is no way I am ready to come out as tranny me. Not yet, anyway. Though the thought of it has continually crossed my mind only to be shot down again and again. What a total pussy I am.
I woke up refreshed but feeling unusually horny this morning. Enough so to make slide into some shiny Danskin tights, throw on a cute black teddy then into my usual bathrobe. I can’t remember what I dreamed about last night but it really has me in a feel sexy mood today.
After my morning coffee, I skip reading the news and head directly back to my bed and pull out the vibrator from a drawer nearby. It’s nice and slim, smooth and about six inches long which is perfect for some womanish masturbation.
I unsnap the crotch on my teddy, turn my little toy on and, remembering an idea from somewhere online, begin to penetrate my ass but through the pantyhose. The stretch on the tights limited penetration to just a few inches but it was all that was needed. Oh, did it feel nice and incredibly kinky at the same time!
From my perspective, one of my biggest fears as a in-closet crossdresser is being caught by someone who notices the tiny speck of nail polish remaining on my finger which I thought was completely clean. That or she notices the strap of my teddy just barely bulging through the sweatshirt I wear over it.
Those were two separate incidents, with me out and about in the city, where I didn’t know the other person. I initially try to avoid, at all costs, any revelation of my feminine attire since it makes me extremely embarrassed. Yet I notice that, as soon as the “shame” subsides, I am left with a gratifying feeling.
Is this how an exhibitionist feels, I wonder? Yep, I think it does.
Actually I can recall one of my most unforgettable moments, exposed as a crossdresser, starting out as an embarrassing situation and leading to a rush of sexual tension.
It’s time for a new way to express myself sexually but in the context of a women. So fantasies of being a slut or porno star and getting gangbanged enter the picture. In other words, how sexy would it be to be fucked for a change? Or suck the proverbial golf ball through the garden hose?
For some reason I have an odd relationship with lingerie. Sure, there are the favorite items, some of which, I paid quite a price to get (but look so good in). When you think about it, too, lingerie should make you feel more intimately feminine than anything else you could slip on.
When you think about it, a pair of pantyhose is just inanimate garment of nylon and spandex with a little color thrown in. Not exactly in porno flick or blow up doll territory. Fairly innocent to say the least.
I’ll be so kind to admit it right now. I’m in my late thirties and, using my sharp math skills, have spent the better part of thirty years as a crossdresser. Even as a lot of time has passed since my first days across the border, I’ve always found myself trying to recall those first moments that would bend my gender the rest of the way.
So now we come to the reason for this blog. I can say from experience that one of the most frustrating things about living the crossdresser life is that it is kept a secret. In my case, that’s true anyway. While in can be exciting to know you’re breaking the rules of taboo, expressing your feminine side without anyone around, well, sucks.